


Carnegie Is A Stupid Name

by Aj (aj2245)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Libraries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 01:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1964067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj2245/pseuds/Aj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The librarians are totally mad they have an obligation to like him now.  Whatever, he's holding open access against them until the end of time.  Probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carnegie Is A Stupid Name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boosette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boosette/gifts).
  * Inspired by [How Clint Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Nancy Drew](https://archiveofourown.org/works/512332) by Anonymous. 



> Written for boosette because she wrote me Clint loving libraries and Tony not quite understanding what that's about.

It starts like this:

"Wait. What do you mean not everyone has an ereader?"

The flat glare Pepper shoots him not only manages to convey her annoyance at the change in subject - they'd been talking about shopping or shipping or Berlin - but also _Tony Stark, you are the largest idiot known to mankind, how do you manage to dress yourself in the morning while breathing?_ Next to her, Steve and Clint are wearing matching expressions.

Which means slightly more because they actually know what he's talking about, and yeah, Clint living in a 300 square foot apartment is still an insult to the very nature of The Avengers Initiative and, like, _America_. Seriously. Insultingly large homes and terrible decorating choices were, like, _required_ over a certain income bracket. And thanks to a little magic and "interference" - _thank you Pepper, people like money!_ \- Grandpa and Robin Hood absolutely qualified for stupid interior decorating.

Pepper finishes her glare and crosses her arms. Not under her boobs - _sadness_ \- but over them and then starts tapping her foot in that way that means this is actually a _thing_ and not just normal annoyance. "Do I need to explain fiscal reality to you again?" Is what she says while Steve does the grave nodding thing and Barton just rolls his eyes and walks away. It's kind of annoying when he does that, but he does it a lot, so it's not unexpected.

"Yeah, that doesn't work for me." And so what if he's having three conversations. Pepper's used to it.

\--

So. Libraries are, apparently, a _thing_.

He discovers this on the way to Germany - apparently Pepper was talking about shipping something to Berlin: him - when his new assistant (Dieberman? Dillenbach? Dietersmith?) passes out and leaves him to his own devices. Though, to be fair, his phone is a lot more interesting than the budgetary review Dollenbocker was trying to go over with him. Like he doesn't remember his own accounting projections. _Please._

Libraries. Buildings with books that Rodgers and Barton like to frequent because, apparently, Amazon and Barnes and Noble don't jive with impoverished backgrounds, even if there's back pay and JARVIS. And, so, fine, it's not like e-text was available in 1930, or Iowa, but it isn't 1930 (or even 2000) anymore, and Iowa's firmly in fly-over territory. No one cares about Iowa. Other than people who live there, probably. Although, why... nevermind. LIBRARIES.

Which, whatever, he knows they exist. Not like he's ever been inside a public one because _why would anyone do that?_ , but they're real. Like dental insurance, or community colleges. Hell, community colleges even have them. Probably.

And their collective security is _shit_ , and he'd be a lot more offended by how ridiculously easy it was to hack, basically everything, except for the part where they're all publicly funded and all of the records are available online anyway. Which is, apparently, something that librarians - plural and past tense - are responsible for. Huh. Whatever open access is for suckers, _privatize peace motherfuckers!_ Wait. That made no sense, even to him.

So, they're education for poor people and people with commitment issues, like Barton. And do-gooders like Steve, who are disturbingly into sharing resources. (Which is way funny when he takes to lecturing the press and rednecks when it comes the ideological philosophy of Karl Marx, and he's keeping that news footage _for the rest of his life_.) Which, okay, yeah he can understand that. Maybe not why Barton and Rogers go back all the time (seriously, _JARVIS_ ) but _he_ has a preference for Kentucky bourbon over Irish, so people are allowed their quirks. Even if it involves the unwashed masses and, apparently, masters' theses in the soft sciences. Losers.

And then, for shits and giggles, he hits the MIT resources section and pokes around. Duty to the alma mater and all that. And _it_ happens. Realization. Understanding.

Data management. Librarians, _libraries_ manage _data_. Database building, compiling, collecting, and facilitation. Not just dusty books that get checked out, but _research_ and flipping through the services and database pages, a quick dip into PubMed and J-Store. RefWorks (he owns that, right?) is interesting if he gave a damn about academic documentation – he has people for that - but that's not the point because science is writing stuff down but REAL science is cross referencing so no one will _ever_ forget the explosions.

Somewhere over Sweden, Tony Stark finds JARVIS' human soulmates. By the time it's wheels down, he's making _plans_. And hey, if said plans happen to coincide with giving Barton and Rogers something their little altruistic hearts would explode over? All the better.

\--- 

Step 1: Find a librarian (or ten) and make them tell him how his money can fix stuff.

\---

He meets Linda, his resident librarian, like this:

"I AM A LIBRARIAN!"

The book to the face is unpleasant, but the squeal and the woman's ability to hurdle and duck behind a desk are pretty impressive. Sidenote: investigate peon gym facilities in the building because they are, apparently, baller.

It probably helped that the Tower had been attacked last week (UGH, DOOMBOTS, JFC) and throwing the door open like that _did_ sound a lot like the weird percussion blasts from the ray guns they'd been using. Maybe.

"That was rude, you know." He says, rubbing his face where - he looked down - volume three of the Mechanical Engineers' Handbook had impacted. Annoyed brown eyes and a truly spectacular afro greeted him as the woman popped her head up. Waited. Tried not to laugh as her panicked expression smoothed back into annoyance. And maybe it was transference or something, but the pissy glare that followed it up was kind of endearing.

"So is quoting _The Mummy_ and scaring the living tar out of one of your employees. Sir."

It his not his best introduction to someone he has plans to systematically annoy (Bruce and Jane say 'torture', but _hello_ , gourmet delivery bears no resemblance to waterboarding or a cave in Afghanistan, so they can both suck it) for a long period of time, but it's also not the worst. Rhodey's award is still safe, even if the story is classified _until the end of time._

"What's a little physical violence between employer and employee? Right. Tell me why I should make a half-billion dollar investment into the aging infrastructure of the United States Library consortium. System. Thing. Whatever, you have forty-five seconds."

He should probably be worried about the smirk. In his own defense, he's only just met her, so.

In the end, it's worth the money just to get her to _stop talking_. He'll never admit "making people less stupid" is really the deal clincher. 

Pepper's sexy-face for _you did charity of your own volition, rock my world puddin' pop_ only figures into it afterwards, but he totally blames that. Also, that time the MLA Midwest chapter defeats Thanos is pretty great too. Even if Barton never shuts the fuck up about Midwestern librarians and _Iowa is still a fucking flyover state._

\--

Step 2: Throw lots of money at the person (people - apparently he has more than one?) from Step 1 and run away*. Mostly what libraries need is a shit-ton of money. That is super convenient when you have lots of it and generally want people less stupid. Also the people in them have _ideals_ and, like, believe in the common good or something. No wonder Barton and Rogers liked the things so much.

*Librarians are terrifying people. Never make them mad unless you know their limits and you only can make them a LITTLE bit more mad before they tell on you to the exact right person.**

**THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHO THE RIGHT PERSON IS.

\--

"Oh, god."

"I _am_ your employer."

"You are a five year old with ADD that no one's ever said no to. _Go away._ "

"But, Linda! I have questions! Isn't it your sacred duty to answer them?"

"If I thought you didn't have the resources to find the answers yourself, yes. But as you _reprogrammed the internet_ to better integrate with our ILL request management system last week, no. No it isn't."

"Yeah, that was a fun lunch break. Anyway, I had some ideas about automated storage I'd like to run by you so stop weeding or gardening or whatever you're doing-"

"It's a literature review for R&D!"

"Whatever, come talk robotics with me. I promise not to make it too sexy."

"Ms. Dietrich? He's down here again."

"Now that's just playing dirty."

\---


End file.
